I am happy to report that after a month's worth of wonderful dates, I am now--as of last night--officially off the dating market. I really like this guy, and I was very happy to hear that he wanted me in his life exclusively, as well! Out of respect for his privacy, I'm not comfortable with writing about the relationship here. So for now (and maybe happily ever-after??), I'll be leaving the single life. Thanks so much for all of your comments and emails, and wish me luck as relationshipgrrl. ;)
Best to all of you!
Sunday, May 18, 2008
Monday, April 14, 2008
Ooooohhhh......
...I've met someone who could have the potential to make everything in my last post obsolete. Really trying to stay objective, and continue to follow up with the others, but wow--eHarmony really hit things right on the money for me this time. Yikes!
So we had a VERY fun first date Saturday night. Lots of good signs along the way--he prolonged the date, did just enough touching (but not too much), etc., etc. There was some small talk about doing it again at the evening's end, but I have learned not to count on that. No word from him since, but I'm hoping that he's observing that 2-3 day waiting period...
Think good thoughts for me on this one, dear readers, if you've got them to spare!
So we had a VERY fun first date Saturday night. Lots of good signs along the way--he prolonged the date, did just enough touching (but not too much), etc., etc. There was some small talk about doing it again at the evening's end, but I have learned not to count on that. No word from him since, but I'm hoping that he's observing that 2-3 day waiting period...
Think good thoughts for me on this one, dear readers, if you've got them to spare!
Saturday, March 22, 2008
Playing the field.
When I think back over the last 5 years or so, I am amazed at how much my attitude towards dating has changed, with each individual experience. I am the kind of person who tries to learn something from each experience--good or bad--and my dating life these last few years is definitely a good example of that philosophy!
Five years ago, I was fresh out of a bad relationship, and on my own for the first time in 3 years. Initially I was the very picture of an extreme rebound case: Everyone I came across was just "perfect" for me and I was hell-bent on getting serious. Of course, I now realize that I was just missing the companionship and physical intimacy of my previous relationship.
I have met many, many people--men and women alike--who define dating as seeing only one person at a time. I used to feel that way about it too. But back in those days it seemed that I would end up thinking seriously, too soon, about people who were not really ready for commitment, or who turned out over time to be someone quite different from what their profile indicated, or...whatever.
These days, I subscribe to a more laid back and fun style of dating. The trick here, is to not fixate on any one man too early on in the proceedings. I try to keep things light and fun, try to go out with a few, and see over time who stands out as interesting TO me and interested IN me. If done honestly, fairly, and with clear communication, this can make dating into the tremendously fun "get out there and see what happens" pursuit that I, for one, believe that it should be!
Granted, this makes the dating phase more complicated and time-consuming--but--since I adopted this M.O. I have usually been able to stay successfully objective with my dates until I can identify those who truly have relationship potential. From there things naturally narrow down over time to the one I'd like to try getting more deeply involved with.
I like to think that even though this takes more time initially, that it has ultimately saved me a ton of time wasted in bad relationships!
Five years ago, I was fresh out of a bad relationship, and on my own for the first time in 3 years. Initially I was the very picture of an extreme rebound case: Everyone I came across was just "perfect" for me and I was hell-bent on getting serious. Of course, I now realize that I was just missing the companionship and physical intimacy of my previous relationship.
I have met many, many people--men and women alike--who define dating as seeing only one person at a time. I used to feel that way about it too. But back in those days it seemed that I would end up thinking seriously, too soon, about people who were not really ready for commitment, or who turned out over time to be someone quite different from what their profile indicated, or...whatever.
These days, I subscribe to a more laid back and fun style of dating. The trick here, is to not fixate on any one man too early on in the proceedings. I try to keep things light and fun, try to go out with a few, and see over time who stands out as interesting TO me and interested IN me. If done honestly, fairly, and with clear communication, this can make dating into the tremendously fun "get out there and see what happens" pursuit that I, for one, believe that it should be!
Granted, this makes the dating phase more complicated and time-consuming--but--since I adopted this M.O. I have usually been able to stay successfully objective with my dates until I can identify those who truly have relationship potential. From there things naturally narrow down over time to the one I'd like to try getting more deeply involved with.
I like to think that even though this takes more time initially, that it has ultimately saved me a ton of time wasted in bad relationships!
Thursday, March 20, 2008
Where has the time gone??
I always forget that online dating is like having a second job. Most of my writing mojo these last couple of weeks has been spent on witty email banter with potential dates. I'm a bit overwhelmed with it all, but I'm happy to say that I have met a couple of men who seem interesting, and nice so far. Stay tuned for further developments!
Thursday, March 6, 2008
They got me!
So a couple of weekends ago, eHarmony had a "Free Communication Weekend." So of course I thought, since it was free, I'd just hop on and see who was "out there." Well, once thing led to another, and I started the back and forth questions and answers with a couple of interesting matches. An interesting weekend... Fast forward: I'm almost to the end of the process with a MOST interesting man, when--on the last evening of the freebie--the site gets completely bogged down with all of the frantic last-minute posts, and I cannot get a final message through! Ugh. Do they do this on purpose? So, of course I signed up (bastards!). And he and I did go the distance--we're even writing and talking in the "real world" now, so I guess it wasn't all bad... ad they're sending me a new crop of matches every few days as well. As if I didn't have enough already to distract me from blogging!
Saturday, March 1, 2008
Dance Lessons
Last night I got together again with my wine-women friends. We had a great time getting to know each other better, and tasting Cabernets. I feel like I am really beginning to appreciate the different nuances of the wines. And I have discovered 3 or 4 over the last couple of months that I would definitely buy again.
As has become our custom, after enjoying some wine, food and conversation, a few of us ventured on to a nearby nightclub, for some dancing. During the course of the evening, as I walked to the bar for some more seltzer, or to the ladies' room, I would be met with much eye contact and apparent interest from the men standing about, but not once did anyone initiate a conversation or ask me to dance... Maybe it was just a slow night. But I am fairly new to the nightclub scene, so I'm wondering if there is some sort of trick to this... It was so different at the singles dance! Maybe because people can be pretty sure you're "single and looking" at an event like that? Anyone know how this works?
Regardless, I had a great time dancing with my girlfriends to a few songs. :)
As has become our custom, after enjoying some wine, food and conversation, a few of us ventured on to a nearby nightclub, for some dancing. During the course of the evening, as I walked to the bar for some more seltzer, or to the ladies' room, I would be met with much eye contact and apparent interest from the men standing about, but not once did anyone initiate a conversation or ask me to dance... Maybe it was just a slow night. But I am fairly new to the nightclub scene, so I'm wondering if there is some sort of trick to this... It was so different at the singles dance! Maybe because people can be pretty sure you're "single and looking" at an event like that? Anyone know how this works?
Regardless, I had a great time dancing with my girlfriends to a few songs. :)
Sunday, February 24, 2008
Blogger's Block?
Hello there, and my apologies for not posting sooner--I have been struggling a bit with inspiration for a new post. Life has been challenging in other areas this last week or so--I have flirted with the flu and my car's been in the garage, so life lately has been more on the mundane side. We all experience enough of that stuff on our own--no need to put any more of it out here. :) I'll write more when there is something more interesting going on!
Thursday, February 14, 2008
Obligatory Valentine's Day Post
Hello, and Happy Valentine's Day to you, dear readers! I hope that no matter where you find yourselves--single, married... or somewhere in between, that you have had a good.... Day. :)
I have always found myself to be a bit ambivalent about this particular holiday. It seems to me that while the idea of a day for expressing love and caring seems nice, the attendant pressure to do so--as well as buy gifts and cards to somehow "prove" those declarations--takes a lot of the fun (and meaning) out of the whole idea. And if we need to be reminded to express those feelings, then doesn't that speak to a much larger issue that one greeting-card-holiday will never be able to fix?
Zefrank proposes an interesting "Judgement Day" idea in his short Valentine's rant.
Maybe if Valentine's Day worked like this, we would all take a little bit more time for our relationships. Maybe we wouldn't stay in bad ones... And, just think of it--February 15th would by default become a sort of "new blood for the dating pool" kind of day. I'll bet Match.com is already working on this... ;)
Personally, I had a pretty great day today. I usually take Valentine's Day off from work when I am single, so that I can treat myself to a fun day, and today was no exception!
Now I'm off to catch a movie. Hope you are doing something fun too.
I have always found myself to be a bit ambivalent about this particular holiday. It seems to me that while the idea of a day for expressing love and caring seems nice, the attendant pressure to do so--as well as buy gifts and cards to somehow "prove" those declarations--takes a lot of the fun (and meaning) out of the whole idea. And if we need to be reminded to express those feelings, then doesn't that speak to a much larger issue that one greeting-card-holiday will never be able to fix?
Zefrank proposes an interesting "Judgement Day" idea in his short Valentine's rant.
Maybe if Valentine's Day worked like this, we would all take a little bit more time for our relationships. Maybe we wouldn't stay in bad ones... And, just think of it--February 15th would by default become a sort of "new blood for the dating pool" kind of day. I'll bet Match.com is already working on this... ;)
Personally, I had a pretty great day today. I usually take Valentine's Day off from work when I am single, so that I can treat myself to a fun day, and today was no exception!
Now I'm off to catch a movie. Hope you are doing something fun too.
Monday, February 11, 2008
Dancing Queen
On Saturday night, I went to my very first... and second... Singles Dance.
I will admit to having been resistant to the concept, prior to this. But this year is all about broadening my horizons, and I had the perfect opportunity, since one of my activity groups was hosting a special "Valentine's" dance. So, I primped and put on my dancing shoes and a cute outfit and headed on out to see what it was like.
Overall, it wasn't a great experience.
When I first walked in it seemed very festive--there was a greeter at the door, and the women taking admission were very friendly. I think that the organizers are, in fact, a nice bunch of folks. But upon entering the ladies' room for a quick pit stop, the mood swiftly changed. Being a fairly friendly sort myself, I tried to start up a conversation, and a couple of the women were just plain catty and downright rude. Do women really feel that there are so few men "available" that they need to alienate each other just to feel like they have some sort of "edge"? At a Singles Dance?? Come on people--we're all out here together. Let's have some fun while we're at it!
Anyway, I got the heck out of there with as much grace as I could muster, and hit the dance floor, but unfortunately, it just didn't seem to be my kind of scene.
The good news is that I met two other women who were really cool and fun. They were familiar with the "Dance" scene (I'm learning fast and on my feet!) and told me that this particular dance was L.A.M.E. They were leaving, and invited me to follow them over to another dance (I had heard about it but thought this one looked better--ha!), and I grabbed the chance to get the heck out of there.
The second dance was everything that the first was not! It was HUGE and held in a beautiful ballroom overlooking a lake. I met lots of nice, friendly people, danced quite a bit and had such a good time! I even got a couple of "West Coast Swing" lessons from a very capable young man (!)
I'll be going back again for sure.
I will admit to having been resistant to the concept, prior to this. But this year is all about broadening my horizons, and I had the perfect opportunity, since one of my activity groups was hosting a special "Valentine's" dance. So, I primped and put on my dancing shoes and a cute outfit and headed on out to see what it was like.
Overall, it wasn't a great experience.
When I first walked in it seemed very festive--there was a greeter at the door, and the women taking admission were very friendly. I think that the organizers are, in fact, a nice bunch of folks. But upon entering the ladies' room for a quick pit stop, the mood swiftly changed. Being a fairly friendly sort myself, I tried to start up a conversation, and a couple of the women were just plain catty and downright rude. Do women really feel that there are so few men "available" that they need to alienate each other just to feel like they have some sort of "edge"? At a Singles Dance?? Come on people--we're all out here together. Let's have some fun while we're at it!
Anyway, I got the heck out of there with as much grace as I could muster, and hit the dance floor, but unfortunately, it just didn't seem to be my kind of scene.
The good news is that I met two other women who were really cool and fun. They were familiar with the "Dance" scene (I'm learning fast and on my feet!) and told me that this particular dance was L.A.M.E. They were leaving, and invited me to follow them over to another dance (I had heard about it but thought this one looked better--ha!), and I grabbed the chance to get the heck out of there.
The second dance was everything that the first was not! It was HUGE and held in a beautiful ballroom overlooking a lake. I met lots of nice, friendly people, danced quite a bit and had such a good time! I even got a couple of "West Coast Swing" lessons from a very capable young man (!)
I'll be going back again for sure.
Sunday, February 3, 2008
What's wrong??
Recently, a friend of mine confessed to me that her husband, upon meeting me at a party, asked her "So what's wrong with [sgrrl], why is she single?" Luckily, my friend wasn't having any, and promptly informed him that there was nothing wrong with me, rather I simply hadn't met the "right man at the right time" yet!
But I wonder... Does my "never married" status label me as damaged goods in some men's eyes? Is this something that is widely believed in the dating community?
I have always taken the idea of commitment very seriously. Over the years, I have watched my friends marry the person they were with when they were ready to settle down and/or have children... and then watched those marriages ultimately fail. I have always felt that once I married someone, that I would definitely see it through--for better or for worse.
In my life, I have had two long-term relationships that I felt had this potential. One in my early 20s (he thought that we were too young), and one a few years later (after we were engaged, I discovered that he had a "fidelity issue"). And then, of course, there was my shorter-term involvement with the architect. Over the years, I have met many men who I am sure would have made fine husbands, but there was either a commitment issue on their part or some crucial element of that relationship trinity (intellectual, physical, spiritual) that was missing for me.
Should I have married one of these guys anyway? My belief is absolutely not. As much as I wanted marriage and a family, I don't feel that it would have been fair to anyone involved.
But I wonder... Does my "never married" status label me as damaged goods in some men's eyes? Is this something that is widely believed in the dating community?
I have always taken the idea of commitment very seriously. Over the years, I have watched my friends marry the person they were with when they were ready to settle down and/or have children... and then watched those marriages ultimately fail. I have always felt that once I married someone, that I would definitely see it through--for better or for worse.
In my life, I have had two long-term relationships that I felt had this potential. One in my early 20s (he thought that we were too young), and one a few years later (after we were engaged, I discovered that he had a "fidelity issue"). And then, of course, there was my shorter-term involvement with the architect. Over the years, I have met many men who I am sure would have made fine husbands, but there was either a commitment issue on their part or some crucial element of that relationship trinity (intellectual, physical, spiritual) that was missing for me.
Should I have married one of these guys anyway? My belief is absolutely not. As much as I wanted marriage and a family, I don't feel that it would have been fair to anyone involved.
Thursday, January 31, 2008
Torn...
So it would appear that I have chosen to pursue two projects, that are diametrically opposed. All of this "getting out there" means that I have a lot less time to blog...
Hmmmm... What to do? I humbly ask for your patience with minimal posts when there is lots going on. Hang in there and I'll get you caught up soon!
Hmmmm... What to do? I humbly ask for your patience with minimal posts when there is lots going on. Hang in there and I'll get you caught up soon!
Sunday, January 27, 2008
Snowed in
What a fun weekend! I am finally getting back "out there" in a serious way. I have joined up with a few local groups based around shared interests and activities, and it has turned out to be the best thing I could have done!
Friday I went to a wine-tasting with about 10 other people. We tasted 4 different wines, and paired some appetizers with each one. This is a new group so introductions were shared all around. An interesting and diverse group for sure. Afterwards a few of us went on to a local dance club and had a great time getting to know each other and dancing off some of those calories. :) I found myself more interested in getting to know the people in my group than I was in looking around for other dance partners... It has been a long time since I went to a dance club, and it is not likely something I would have done on my own. I'm generally not a big fan of the music played on commercial radio (see my profile for more info). But I found the DJ to be quite open to requests--and he played a couple of old funk tunes for me and my new "possee" hee hee! I'm already looking forward to next month's wine-tasting event...
Friday I went to a wine-tasting with about 10 other people. We tasted 4 different wines, and paired some appetizers with each one. This is a new group so introductions were shared all around. An interesting and diverse group for sure. Afterwards a few of us went on to a local dance club and had a great time getting to know each other and dancing off some of those calories. :) I found myself more interested in getting to know the people in my group than I was in looking around for other dance partners... It has been a long time since I went to a dance club, and it is not likely something I would have done on my own. I'm generally not a big fan of the music played on commercial radio (see my profile for more info). But I found the DJ to be quite open to requests--and he played a couple of old funk tunes for me and my new "possee" hee hee! I'm already looking forward to next month's wine-tasting event...
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