Recently, a friend of mine confessed to me that her husband, upon meeting me at a party, asked her "So what's wrong with [sgrrl], why is she single?" Luckily, my friend wasn't having any, and promptly informed him that there was nothing wrong with me, rather I simply hadn't met the "right man at the right time" yet!
But I wonder... Does my "never married" status label me as damaged goods in some men's eyes? Is this something that is widely believed in the dating community?
I have always taken the idea of commitment very seriously. Over the years, I have watched my friends marry the person they were with when they were ready to settle down and/or have children... and then watched those marriages ultimately fail. I have always felt that once I married someone, that I would definitely see it through--for better or for worse.
In my life, I have had two long-term relationships that I felt had this potential. One in my early 20s (he thought that we were too young), and one a few years later (after we were engaged, I discovered that he had a "fidelity issue"). And then, of course, there was my shorter-term involvement with the architect. Over the years, I have met many men who I am sure would have made fine husbands, but there was either a commitment issue on their part or some crucial element of that relationship trinity (intellectual, physical, spiritual) that was missing for me.
Should I have married one of these guys anyway? My belief is absolutely not. As much as I wanted marriage and a family, I don't feel that it would have been fair to anyone involved.
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And here I was thinking I was the only "special" single person on the planet, SG!
I too have friends and family treating me as though I have some debilitating ailing disease.
They try and treat my "serious condition" by using treatments such as "blind dates", "long speeches", and/or "he's probably just gay" type slander.
Some say I'm getting too picky in my old age, but to them I often reply, "Oh I'm sorry, silly me for taking marriage so seriously. I'll take... *close my eyes, spin around and point*... that one." With a 50% failure rate of marriage nowadays it's placed greater emphasis on not just the superficial (physical) of a person, but rather their heart and direction in life.
Your closing words summed up every potential woman I've befriended throughout the last couple of years perfectly - they'd make great wives, just not mine.
Hi Ryan--Thanks for adding your thoughts. It's nice to have some company in my convictions! :)
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